July 11, 2008 Friday: A Tae Day

Bago pa man ako makarating sa office, nasira na umaga ko. Masaya na sana ako dahil nung pagbaba ko sa sakayan, may jeep na agad na pwede kong sakyan. Kaya naman nagmadali akong makasakay dahil umaandar na yung jeep. Akalain mo ba namang pag-akyat ko eh hindi nakasampa yung paa ko dun sa tapakan! Dumulas yung harapan ng binti ko at sumadsad dun sa tapakan. Hindi ko na hinayaang maapektuhan ako ng ideyang nakakahiya yun dahil maraming nakakita—yung mga nakasakay sa jeep, yung mga tao sa sidewalk, at yung nasa kotseng nakasunod sa jeep. Kaswal na kaswal na lang akong umakyat nang maayos sa jeep at naupo sa may likod ng driver. Siyempre, kaswal pa rin ang drama ko. Kunwari ay medyo tinignan ko yung bandang ibaba ng pantalon ko kung madumi. Pa-kaswal ko rin tinignan yung lalaking halos kaharap ko at alam kong tinitignan pa rin ako. (Sa totoo lang, alam ko namang lahat sila sa jeep eh sinundan ako ng tingin, siyempre nga kasi nadapa ako. Pero di ko na sila tinignan—maliban dun sa kaharap ko. One is enough ika nga. Bwahaha)

Pero di nagtatapos doon ang lahat dahil makalipas ang ilang segundo, nalaman kong biyaya ng Diyos ang pagkakaupo ko sa dulo ng jeep kung saan kaharap ko ang hulog-ng-langit na basurahan na yun. Akalain mo ba namang pagkatapos kong kaswal na kaswal na tignan ang laylayan ng pantalon ko, nakita kong nadumihan din ng kalawang ang bag kong nakapatong sa hita ko. Ngunit nang i-angat ko ang bag para sana linisin, halos mag-panic ako nang maintindihan kong may tae ang pantalon ko. Anumang pag-asang putik lang iyon ay mabilis na naglaho. Bukod sa napakagandang pagkakapunas nito sa aking pantalon, napakaganda rin nung tae mismo—medyo bago-bago pa, pero natutuyo na. Pero para mas makulay ang buhay ko, espesyal na tae ang ipinahid sa akin ng kapalaran—fibrous na tae. Maganda yung fiber eh, ang haba. Pero ang malupit, ang pagtatanggal noon nang walang nakakakita. Pagkakita ko sa tae, mabilis kong tinignan yung mga pasaherong malapit sa akin. Syet, mabuti na lang di nila nakita. Isang segundo rin akong nakipagdebate sa sarili ko kung bababa ako sa jeep o hindi. Isang oras ang bubunuin ko sa jeep na yun na sigurado ay mapupuno. Pero ayokong mahuli sa opisina. Ginamit ko na lang na pantakip ang bag kong salamat sa Diyos ay medyo malapad. Pero ang mas pinasasalamat ko ay di ko nakalimutan dalhin ang cologne ko at bagong tissue. Dali-dali kong inahit ang tae (siyempre gamit ang tissue) at tinapon sa basurahan bago pa man may makakita. Lampas dalawang dosenang piraso ata ng tissue ang nagamit ko kakapunas. Grabe talaga. Buong biyahe parang naaamoy ko yung tae. Ewan ko talaga kung paano yun napunas sa bandang itaas ng pantalon ko, lintek. Napabili pa tuloy ako ng alcohol sa 7-Eleven. Mabuti na lang din may extra akong perang dinala. Grabe talaga. Scented tuloy ang buong araw ko.

Linya de Leche (Batch 2)

When she was young, my sister loved “SMASHED potatoes” with gravy.

When I was a toddler, I already knew about possessive pronouns. Asking for someone to pass the thermo(s), I said, “Iabot mo nga yung THERKO.”

Just this month, my younger brother, pointing to our giniling viand, asked Papa: “Anong tawag dito Pa, CARDENETA?” He was undoubtedly referring to the viand CALDERETA.

Mama was helping my younger brother study his PE subject. They were reading some words aloud.
Ma: Cram…
Moi-Moi (incredulous): Anong “cram”?
Ma: Eh di crams…
Mama sometimes mispronounces words. Here, she was referring to “muscle cramps.”

My younger brother singing a line of Sean Kingston’s song Beautiful Girls:
“You had me SUASADO, SUASADO…”

Banyo and Jeepney Moments*

(*As implied, moments when riding a jeepney (usually on my long daily trips to and from work/school) and doing some business in the bathroom (usually moving bowels and counting tiles). These are the moments when I mostly get to think of life in general. Nyahahaha.)

Stand and be not trampled upon. Move and be not left behind.

Tomorrow is today’s consolation. (Mindlessly arrived at when imitating a batch mate’s YM status message)

Maliit man at katiting, mapupuwing ka naman. (Bwahaha. Bobo line.)

If you’re a regular jeepney commuter, you can learn to hate the songs you initially liked, and like the songs you initially hated.

Mga Linya de Leche

Riding a jeepney going home, I heard a man say this to someone:
“Mag-ingat ka ah. Baka mabangga ka sana…”

A line my parents often use to jokingly snap back at someone:
“Ano ako? Tanga…ka?”

Just last week, as I was waiting for a jeepney, I overheard a mother cheerfully chatting with a rather effeminate boy (whom I suspected is her son). She said:
“…chickboy yun. Sa araw chicks, sa gabi boy…”

Yesterday being the first day of my younger brother in his new school, my mother asked him whether he got cold while inside their airconditioned classroom. He replied something to this effect:
“Hindi naman ako nilamig, tumaas lang yung mga balahibo ko.”

Yesterday I asked my seatmate to explain how to graph the parabola. (she is really cute and small by the way and can easily mistaken for a freshie )

“WAG MO AKONG TANUNGIN DYAN 2001 PA AKO NAG MATH 17 kahit na take TWO pa yun!”

During laboratory in biology many years ago, the instructor reminded us about the procedure in doing the experiment.

“Class i-psych niyo na sarili niyo ha, pagmagbloblow sa test tube blow lang ng blow.. blow blow blow wag niyong i-suck, then one student commented you heard sir we should blow with might”

Super Cute Vid: “he wiw com’out an’ im gonna kick his ask”

irony

Albert Lambek says that irony is acknowledgment of the mind’s limitations. I think that if the world embraced this, self proclaimed omniscient people would be eradicated. But what exactly is an irony? An irony is something what she/he says that is incongruent to what she/he behaves or acts.

I’ve talk to a person for several hours. It was fun, I would be hypocrite if I say otherwise. Innuendos that can melt the well hardened and sculptured ice. But then I knew better. Liking and loving are abstracts that are out of my league. It is just that I do not want to experience anything that will deviate from the well rehearsed neutrality. Neutrality paves the way to certainty and when certainty fails there is always irony to rationalize. But the point is liking and loving will not hurt me same as the lot who experience these abstracts. Succumbing to these abstracts mean that I would be just like them. ordinary people who have ordinary paths. I do not want that… I want something else.. something new and something….

E g g B o m b

An egg bomb.

That’s what you get when you get hungry in the midnight and decide to boil an egg in an open pan and leave it on the stove and completely forget about it as you chat with someone on the internet.

Shock.

That’s what I felt when I faintly heard some sort of explosion from the kitchen and remembered the two eggs I left on the stove to boil all by themselves.

Shock + Amazement.

The combination of what I felt when I went out of the computer room to the kitchen and

(1) saw the dried up and browned pan with one cracked and cratered egg, similarly browned as the pan, and,

(2) after I finally remembered that I put two eggs in the pan, realized that the other egg was missing, and finally,

(3) saw that there are egg shell pieces and hardened egg yolks and whites scattered and splattered from across the floor tiles to the kitchen counter and to the kitchen walls.

I never thought such kind of scene could exist for real. I never thought such explosions and splattering of food (eggs for instance?) could happen outside of comic books and cartoons!

(Gosh. I have yet to see if I also have to wipe some “egg shrapnels” off the fridge and the clothes hanging near the stove.)